


The Untimely Affairs of the Wounded and Needy

by skipper



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skipper/pseuds/skipper
Summary: If I lay hereIf I just lay hereWould you lie with me and just forget the world?Forget what we're toldBefore we get too oldShow me a garden that's bursting into lifeIn all honesty, Harry wasn’t the worst person I’d ever met. He never intended to hurt me; I really don’t think he did. Looking back at it, the entire thing was stupid and useless; there wasn’t a reason for what happened. I suppose, in the end, feelings weren’t meant to come into it. Love is simple when you think about it, you either have it or you don’t. The fault came when I thought I was one of those people who never thought I’d find it, as least, not in this way.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)





	1. One.

“Jordan!” Jordan Young immediately turned from where she’d been trying to sneak in, to face Mr. Woodruff, her horrid metal shop teacher.

“Yes?” she asked, feigning innocence. The entire class was glancing back towards her and she rolled her eyes at the snickering teenagers.

“Ms. Young, please come to the front of the class,” he stated with annoyance. She nodded and sighed, slowly making her way to the front of the classroom. Her teacher was already leaned over the desk, his potbelly hovering against the wood and bald spot visible as he wrote on the familiar white paper.

“Yes, Mr. Woodruff?” she asked, trying to maintain what ounce of integrity she had left. She already knew where he was sending her, it wasn’t the first time she’d skipped a portion of this class and she knew it wouldn't be the last.

“To the office, Ms. Young,” he sighed, handing over the slip of paper. She started to turn, and he spoke louder, “one of these days you’ll learn to be on time.”

“Doubt it,” she mumbled to herself, before making a hasty exit. Todd Engels sat near the door and she didn’t want to hear anything that excuse for a boy had to say to her now. He was the reason she’d been avoiding the class in the first place, not that anyone would care.

Jordan wandered the empty halls of the prestigious Academy, waiting until someone said something before actually heading the direction she was supposed to. Her metals class was at the far end of the school, the exact opposite of the headmaster’s office, so it would’ve taken her a good ten minutes either way.

She could hear the sounds of the other classes continuing on, with the bobbing heads of her peers struggling to stay awake. Jordan brushed her long black hair behind her back, holding it with one hand as she took the rubber band off her wrist with the other to pull it back in a messy bun.

It was early March, but unreasonably hot for Massachusetts, and the thick cotton of her uniform was causing her to sweat. With dismay, she realized she’d have to resort to the skirt soon, if the weather stayed so warm. During the winter months, the Academy permitted girls to wear the gray slacks to match their blazer, the school emblem on the right breast pocket.

Jordan rounded another corner, taking the long way to the office, but at the sight of Ms. Breadling in front of her, she realized her long journey was about to be cut short. The woman lived and breathed the school, and every petty rule that went along with it. Jordan tried to backtrack but was already spotted and there was no way around it.

“Ms. Young,” she spoke, her smile wickedly familiar, “going somewhere, are we?” Jordan resisted the urge to roll her eyes, instead passing over the paper in her hand. Ms. Breadling looked over it quickly and then waved her along; she was going to accompany her to the office now.

She spent the rest of the journey listening to the annoying clack of the older woman’s heels against the tile surface of the floor. With the quiet of classes being in, the echo was the only sound heard, outside of the annoyed sighs escaping Jordan’s lips. As usual, despite the older woman glancing down warningly, Jordan didn’t stop.

They entered the office a few minutes later, and Jordan immediately sat while Ms. Breadling passed her paper to the secretary. Either way, she’d have to meet Mr. Sellers, the headmaster. Over the course of the last year, they’d come to know each other well and she knew their meetings were far from over.

“He’s in a meeting,” the secretary spoke up, looking at Jordan. She was a new staff member at the school and Jordan hadn't bothered to learn her name but knew she would at some point. She leaned back with the announcement, pleased. She got exactly what she wanted, by the time she was done with the Headmaster, metals class would be long past ended.

After a few minutes, the office door opened and shut, and Jordan didn’t look up from where she was picking at her nails. She felt someone sit beside her but didn’t bother to acknowledge the presence. By the sound of his sigh, she knew it was another student, and slowly glanced to her side.

Jordan felt taken aback at the sight of the normal clothes. Outside of school, she stayed in her dorm, not bothering to leave for town on the weekends, so the uniforms were essentially the only clothing she saw. The boy sat with his arms across his chest, obviously less than pleased to be there and it made a small smile form on Jordan's lips. An older woman stood on the other side of the room, making small talk with Ms. Secretary and she returned to picking at her nails.

Jordan thought about talking to the sullen boy, but her attention diverted as Mr. Sellers exited his office, his eyes narrowing at the sight of her. She immediately grinned and shrugged, as though unaware of the trouble she might be in. He shook his head and took the paper that Mr. Woodruff had written, glancing to it before waving her inside his office.

Jordan glanced to see the boy looking towards her, but she didn’t acknowledge the gaze. She simply walked forward, closing the thick door as she entered the large office. Mr. Sellers was already at his desk and she immediately sat in the chair, a scowl forming on her face to match his own.

“So,” he began, his palms lying flat on the mahogany desk. He raised his eyebrows, as though waiting for her to respond, but she didn’t bother. “Alright, out with it,” he spoke sternly.

“I was late,” she stated evenly. She leaned back in the seat and crossed her arms over her chest, “there’s not much to tell this time.”

“Why were you late?” he asked. Jordan shrugged, glancing down at her wrinkled pants, wondering if he’d comment on those before the meeting was up.

“I got my period,” she responded, lifting one eye, hoping to see his face flush pink, “I was stuck in the bathroom for ages.”

“Ms. Young,” He groaned, pulling a file from the side of his desk, one that undoubtedly had her name on it. “You used that one two weeks ago.”

“Then I’m pregnant,” she smirked, glancing to him again, “morning sickness, you know.” Mr. Sellers hand slammed down against the wood, the sound echoing in the room and Jordan couldn’t help the shiver that slid down her spine.

“No, you’re not,” his voice filled with unprecedented venom and she cringed at the dark tone of his voice. “What are we going to do about this? When you first came here, you had a perfect record, perfect grades… and now?”

“I think we both know about what happened,” Jordan stated evenly, her face flushing with anger. She leaned forward, unwilling to rehash the betrayal all over again, “give my punishment, so I can go.”

“If it weren’t for your grades, you’d be out,” he spoke, trying to regain control of the session. Jordan scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“No, we both know that’s not the case,” Jordan stood, her hand falling to her hip. “Tell me so I can go,” she repeated.

“One month, latrine duty in the boys’ dorm,” he stated. Jordan rolled her eyes; at least it wasn’t pots and pans, which was the worst. “This isn’t the end of this discussion,” he spoke before Jordan whipped around, rushing from the overwhelming confines of the room.

Jordan felt herself calm the moment she exited, her eyes falling to the curly haired boy, whose attention was now on her. She stared, her face grim as he stared, his green eyes filled with curiosity. She sighed and stepped forward, taking the pass handed to her by the secretary before looking back to the boy.

“Get out while you still can,” she murmured, rushing through the office door. Ignoring the rest of her classes, she rushed from the main door, hurrying in the direction of her dorm, needing to escape it all.


	2. Two.

With a huff, Jordan leaned over the disgusting latrine, the thick yellow gloves she wore, covered her skin nearly to her elbows. But it wasn’t enough to keep her from groaning in distaste. Her attention shifted as she heard the main door open, signaling she was no longer alone. She stuck her head out of the stall, her eyebrows furrowed at the sight of the boy entering, despite the sign she knew she’d placed at the entrance.

“Excuse you?” she nearly shouted, wanting to stop him before he actually started using one of the urinals in her presence. He lifted his head and she immediately recognized the boy from the office a few days before, his widened eyes making her grin.

“Uh, sorry,” he murmured, stepping backwards, but toppling over the wet floor sign placed just around the corner. When he fell flat on his back, Jordan couldn’t help the laughter that escaped her lips, the first she’d felt in too long.

“Are you alright?” Jordan asked, her laughter fading as she moved to stand over him. He nodded, his cheeks flushed pink, but instead of amusement, a scowl covered his lips.

“Stupid school,” he muttered, hurrying away from her, “complete shit.” Jordan’s eyes widened at the unfamiliar accent escaping his lips, cocking her head to the side.

“Huh?” she asked, causing him to turn back. He stared at her and then shook his head, as though deciding he wasn’t going to answer.

“What are you doing in here anyway?” he retorted, turning his anger towards her. “This is the boys. You shouldn’t even be in here.”

“Well,” Jordan controlled her laughter with the roll of her eyes, “don’t be late to class and I won’t see you in mine.”

“Great,” he shook his head, “I’m forced 500,000 miles to get stuck with-”

“500,000 miles,” Jordan countered, ignoring the fact that the boy was muttering to himself, yet he still hadn’t left the confines of the tiny room. “I’ve told you a million times not to use a hyperbole.”

“What?” he suddenly turned his attention back to her, his eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

“Nothing,” Jordan responded with a shake of her head, “something my dad used to say.”

“Oh,” the boy nodded. He stood still for a moment before backing up once again, “Well, I better find a better hiding place.”

“You can hide here,” Jordan said quietly, unsure why she was inviting him in on her punishment. “You just can’t use the toilet while I’m in here.”

“Oh, of course,” he nodded in understanding. “I was just trying to get away from the roommate.” Jordan stared in slight confusion but turned back in the direction of the stall she was finishing.

“Who is it?” she asked, moving her head back to see if he’d heard her question. The boy had slid to the floor by the door, his face directed towards her.

“Um, Todd something-or-other,” he spoke, his voice filled with disdain. “He was nice enough to show me around campus and everything, quite a lad, that one.”

“Oh, yes,” Jordan felt the familiar shudder fall down her spine, “he is quite the prick.” The boy laughed aloud and nodded.

“Glad I’m not the only one who noticed,” he murmured. Jordan stepped out of the stall after finishing the last of the scrubbing, relieved this was her last for the day, until the following weekend at least.

“Oh, trust me,” Jordan spoke easily, feeling at ease with the boy, “he’s a moron… but most of the student body would have to disagree.”

“I kind of figured by the number of people coming to our door at the crack of dawn,” he murmured, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I thought girls were off limits.”

“Not if you’re him,” Jordan shook her head. She took off her gloves and threw them in the trash before moving to the sink, washing her hands thoroughly with soap. “His father owns half the place, so he can do whatever he wants.”

“I’ve been here just a few days, I hate it already,” he groaned. Jordan laughed at his misery, knowing hers was felt quite the same.

“What are you here for anyway?” she asked, glancing to him. He stared for a moment, but didn’t answer, and she realized he wasn’t going to, “Okay, well, I’m going to lunch, see you around.”

“That’s it?” he asked, a smirk covering his features, “haven’t heard that one before.”

“Oh, that’s all I got for today,” Jordan said softly. He looked as though he was going to ask, but she didn’t wait for him. She grabbed her bucket from the floor and headed towards the door, grabbing the sign from the front.

“Harry,” the boy spoke from behind her. She glanced back and he cleared his throat, his hand shoving his hair to one side, “Harry Styles.”

“Oh,” Jordan stopped her movements, taken aback, “I’m Jordan.” He nodded and Jordan immediately faced forward, easing herself from the awkwardness she suddenly felt. She walked forward without waiting and was unsurprised when he didn’t follow her.

Jordan sat in her English class on Wednesday, struggling to pay attention. Their trimester exams started the following week and she had already been falling behind in the class. Ms. Everly spoke clearly, pointing out each of the sets that would be on the exam, but Jordan still couldn’t focus. She wrote what she could, but the rest faded with her thoughts.

She began to look around the class, feeling her stomach tighten at the sight of the students she despised. She spotted Sammy and Becky, now simply known as Sam and Rebecca across the way. They’d been her first friends when she’d started at the school three years before, the two her first roommates.

Jordan gulped as Sammy spotted her gaze and she immediately dropped it as the blond-haired girl elbowed Becky. She didn’t want to hear their harsh whispers, sure to spread quickly, especially if Todd was once again involved. If there were ever rumors around the school, those two were the first to know about them.

Although, at one time, the three had been essentially unknown, after the last year Becky and Sammy were now the most popular in school. Sammy with her blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, could get anyone she wanted. Becky was now the track star and her body that went along with it, her dark hair and soft eyes only added to the package.

Jordan felt her fingers slip through her tangled locks, pushing her hair back behind her shoulders. It was nearly to her waist, but she didn’t dare cut it, no matter how inferior it made her feel. She blinked her eyes as the burning began behind her lids, but she refused any emotion that threatened to escape, she didn’t allow it.

When class ended, the last for the day, Jordan hurried to her dorm, once again relieved she’d gotten her own. As a senior it was a privilege generally reserved for the stars, both academically and the sports, but it was the one nice thing Mr. Sellers had managed for her, a thought she hated.

Once inside the dark room, she tightened her blinds and pulled them firmly shut before falling back on her bed. Jordan wanted to drift to sleep, as it always eased every unfortunate thought from her mind. She had only a matter of months before she was done and gone completely, leaving all the others to prey on someone else’s emotions.

Jordan stumbled into the cafeteria the following morning at 6:03 AM. Normally she would not have made an appearance at all, but having run out of milk left, she had no choice but to face the rest of the student body. Breakfast started promptly at six and she wanted to see as few people as possible, so she awoke at five to ensure her privacy.

She felt a yawn escape her as she moved forward, her indigo robe wrapped tightly around her thin frame. Though dressed in her uniform beneath it, her robe was a sense of warmth at the early hour of the morning. As she entered the breakfast line, she glanced wearily around to see who was there, but so no one of consequence.

“Nice robe,” a voice smirked. Jordan turned, but whatever anger she suddenly felt quickly dissipated at the sight of the green eyes and dimples smirking back at her.

“Well,” she shook her head, glancing down at his attire. Harry was still dressed his nightclothes, “aren’t you a sight?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, looking at where her eyes had drifted and he grinned, understanding in that moment.

“You have to be in uniform outside of the dorms,” she commented airily, turning as the attendant addressed her. “To go,” she stated easily and looked back to Harry, “his too.”

“I thought we couldn’t take food out,” he murmured, leaning close to her. Jordan laughed lightly, stating what she wanted to the cafeteria staff member before bringing her attention back to the flustered boy.

“We can’t,” Jordan responded without question. Her eyes flickered back to his attire, “but do you really want to eat in here while you’re the only one wearing his jammies?”

“Not particularly,” he mumbled, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. Jordan nodded and took her breakfast in the to-go container, Harry mumbling his order a moment later. Just as he was handed his own container, a grim voice spoke, causing Jordan instantly to shrink back.

“Mr. Styles,” Mr. Sellers said sternly, his voice loud and caused several people to turn. Jordan bit her lip and dropped her gaze, her eyes flickering towards the boy standing beside her. “Do we need to have a meeting over the rules again?”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “I’m just here getting some breakfast,” he stated as that unaware of a pending punishment, one that Jordan had encountered before.

“You’re here with Ms. Young?” Mr. Sellers spoke as he seemed to realize how close the two were standing. Harry nodded, his eyes flickering towards Jordan, but she didn’t meet his gaze. Mr. Sellers huffed, “As part of your fresh start, I’d choose my friends wisely if I were you Mr. Styles. We don’t want to get off on the wrong foot, do we?”

“No, Sir,” Harry shook his head, his voice stiffening, as though his initial confidence wavered. Mr. Sellers turned to greet one of the attendants and Jordan took the opportunity to grasp Harry’s wrist, ushering them quickly from the attention of the room.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked as they moved through the main door of the cafeteria. Jordan released his hand as soon as they entered the hallway, walking forward without checking to see if he was following.

“Just follow me,” Jordan remarked when Harry huffed a second time. But something caused her to stall. Her eyes widened at the sight of Todd approaching and inwardly cursed herself for not sneaking out to get the milk the night before.

“Harry!” Todd immediately greeted and Jordan dropped her gaze, wondering if she should leave him behind. She started to walk forward, but a hand on her wrist stopped her from leaving him. Despite the despicable boy approaching, Harry didn’t release his hold and Jordan was frozen in place.

“Hello,” Harry greeted cordially. Jordan’s eyes moved between their shoes, wishing Todd’s would move in the opposite direction, but karma was continuing to kick her in the ass.

“Harry, you’re with Jordy?” Todd laughed, and she hated the way he was using her childhood nickname. “Never thought I’d see the day,” he remarked.

Jordan tentatively lifted her stare, but Todd was looking at Harry. He smirked back to her and she bit her lip, feeling her heart pound painfully fast in her chest. Instead of saying what she feared, Todd walked away, leaving them to stand in the middle of the corridor.

“What was that about?” Harry asked, but Jordan shook her head, pulling from him. Her free hand still held her breakfast, though she was no longer hungry. She turned towards the garbage bin beside her, throwing the container on top before moving towards the far door to lead her towards her woods behind the building. It was her only haven from this awful situation.

Her legs began to run as she tore through the door, Harry’s voice lingering behind her, but she ignored it. Jordan continued to run, recalling her days on the school’s track team, moving until her lungs heaved with the effort, but she couldn’t stop moving.

Sweat trickled down the sides of her cheeks, her robe hanging loose around her as she ran through the woods. The sun rose, the heat radiating through the trees as she sought her one place of comfort. Jordan’s breaths were mere pants by the time she arrived, and she fell to the ground with her efforts.

There was no one around here, no one to hear her cries, and that was the way she wanted it. As the first tears fell, it quickly turned to sobs, and Jordan released every one, wishing to escape the pain that lingered in her chest. Everything she hated about the school trapped her in, keeping her feeling as bay, but Todd was the one person she could never escape.

Jordan hated herself for losing control, but knew it was better to lose it alone that in front of any them. They couldn’t know how every word they said lingered in her bones. She couldn’t let them know they’d won the year before when everything truly fell apart. And poor Harry, he didn’t have a clue. She knew now that it was better this way, than to let him in to find out how fuck up she truly was.


	3. Three.

The following week, Jordan found herself staying alone in her dorm, using sickness as her excuse, but she knew better than that. All it took was a quick call to her nurse to deem her unfit to attend class. But really, she wanted to avoid them all. Each member of her class were people who’d hurt her, and she was too tired to pretend it didn’t matter, that their betrayal didn’t hurt.

It was later that after when she received the expected phone call, her mother responding as Jordan expected. She didn’t answer it. For that moment, she was unwilling to listen to how she was throwing her future away and that missing class wasn’t the answer. The truth was that her mother didn’t know the half of it, and in some ways, it was simply better that way. It would only hurt her more if she did find anything out.

Truthfully, Jordan was supposed to go home for a dinner the following weekend, but she’d purposely saved an upcoming project to the last minute, so she wouldn’t have to attend. Jordan hadn’t been home since summer holiday and despite missing her mother, she didn’t intend to return until after graduation. By then, she’d have only a short number of weeks before officially leaving once again, maybe to college, maybe to live in a shelter or something. She hadn’t fully decided yet.

Deep down, she knew her dismissal hurt her mother, but in the end, she couldn’t let herself care. Considering her classmates that she went to school with, there were more pertinent matters at hand, and Jordan focused on those. If she expelled, she already had a back plan, and even money set aside for her trip to New York City, maybe even London. But it was one of those endless dreams that lingered in the back of her mind.

Maybe trying to make it as an artist wasn’t the best plan, but it was a backup, her only backup. Her art wasn’t a passion, not that she had one, but she knew it might be good enough to get her out of town. Her father had wanted her to graduate from this school, his alma mater, and she was determined to fulfill that for him. Beyond that, she made no promises to anyone, especially not those around her currently.

When her mother phoned a third time, Jordan finally chanced it and picked up the device. She clicked the power button, answering the call, but didn’t speak. The silence that lingered made her regret answering, but she continued sitting, waiting for the speech. She knew it was inevitable and wanted to get it over with.

“You’re sick?” her mother spoke slowly, hesitating, and Jordan was suddenly fearful of what Mr. Sellers might have told her.

“Yeah,” Jordan croaked, her voice week as she sat up. Her blanket pooled around her and she let her hair fall over her face as though it could hide her from the wrath.

“Are you really?” she asked gently, and Jordan yearned for the comfort her mother used to be able to provide.

“Yeah,” Jordan repeated, unwilling to say more.

“Do you want me to come and see you?” she asked hesitantly. Jordan flinched at the silence that followed, knowing her mother wouldn’t want to be there anymore than she did. It was just another thing left unspoken between them, the list continuing to grow with each passing day.

“No,” Jordan murmured, far quieter than intended, “I’ll go tomorrow.” She spoke to reassure the older woman, though she hasn’t decided whether or not to follow through with the notion just yet.

“Good,” her mother responded. Another silence ensued, only broken by her mother’s huff and Jordan assumed she must be at work. Only she and her tiring job could make her mother sigh like that, “Go to class tomorrow, remember what’s at stake.”

“My grades are fine,” Jordan answered with a roll of her eyes. “Don’t worry,” she muttered.

“I’m not,” she answered, “But your fathe-”

“Don’t,” Jordan retorted, not wanting to hear about it again. Tears welled up in her eyes and she sucked in a breath to stop them. “I’ll call you later,” she said, though they both knew it was a lie.

“Okay,” was her mother’s only response before the phone clicked off. Jordan let it to her stomach as her chin quivered, the only warning she had before the tears began to fall, one by one.

She closed her eyes tightly, the wet drops slipping down the sides of her face as she tried to forget. Jordan wished she never answered that call, though actually, she wished for a great many things, but none of them will come true. At that moment, she just wanted to forget, but she couldn’t be blessed with that either.

The following day, Jordan sat in her Mathematics class, barely paying attention as the announcement played overhead. Despite the sight of her headmaster's face displayed over the screen, she knew he couldn't see her drifting off. She listened to the announcement of the coming event, another dance of some sort. At one time she might’ve wanted to attend, but things have definitely changed since then.

Despite missing classes the day before, Jordan still felt exhausted. Since her breakdown, the week prior, she'd had trouble sleeping. It made things difficult for exam week, but she still felt that she'd performed well. Her math was her last one, but first they had to listen to the final announcement. There was another assembly, presumably about the dance committee, but one she’d never attend.

With a resigned sigh, Jordan glanced towards Harry across the room, surprised to see him already watching her, curiosity in his gaze. He'd joined the Honors’ class just a few days before, apparently outperforming many of their peers, much as she had. He'd tried to speak to her several times over the last week, but Jordan still felt uneasy after crying in front of him. She wasn't sure how to take him talking to her, especially the fact his roommate was Todd. Nothing was ever simple with that asshole.

Once the announcement was finished, Jordan straightened her back, her attention focused on the instructions on the main board for their term final. Mrs. Billings was about to pass out their comprehensive exams, this was the one Jordan had studied the hardest for, and she had every intention of passing. She saw others look towards her expectantly, and she felt a sense of pride flow through her, knowing she had the marks that made most jealous of her.

Though, Jordan felt her nerves grow as those papers slipped into the hands of the front desks, each student carefully passing them behind them with tentative fingers. Jordan felt hers tremble as she grasped the stack of stapled papers, hers the last in the pile. She could pretend she didn’t care all she wanted, but she knew how much she liked the feeling of good grades, of outperforming them all.

The hour passed quickly, and she was surprised that she was able to work out her answers with ease, finishing just before the timer went off. She strode to the front of the class and dropped it at the instructor’s desk, glad she was done before the assembly started. It gave her time to escape to her dorm unnoticed by the majority, knowing they’d all be headed the opposite direction.

Jordan flipped her long hair behind her back, inwardly groaning as it tugged beneath the straps of her bookbag, and she shifted it on her shoulders. She was moving quickly, nearly stumbling through the door as she opened it with her hip. She thought she heard a voice call her name but didn't turn around to find out whom it might be, figuring it was someone out to make her life miserable all over again.

"Jordan," the voice called again. She turned quickly, careful to avoid anyone too close and trying to look without making it know. She realized who it was and despite having the urge to run away, instead she paused as Harry approached her.

"What are you doing?" she asked cautiously, glancing warily to anyone might notice them moving in the wrong direction of the impending assembly. The bell went off a moment later, and people began to quickly spill out into the courtyard. She flinched as the warm bodies passed by, much too close for her liking, but Harry stayed beside her, watching much too intently.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked after another moment. She looked up at him, uncertain what she’d find, but he was staring with a sense of playfulness. She truly didn’t know what to make of it. Jordan nearly rolled her eyes at his antics; certain he was toying with her emotions purposefully. He’d already seen too much and with Todd as a roommate, it should be a given that a game would form. "Aren't you going to the assembly?" he asked curiously.

She hesitated, wondering whether he was worthy of knowing the truth. Her eyes stayed on his face, yet he didn’t show any of the bullying that she was used to. Jordan finally responded with a shake of her head, smirking slightly as she gazed at him. She knew this was foolish, to allow him to know anything specific about her, but still, she reached out to him, a fingertip brushing against his wrist. Without speaking again, she turned and began walking forward, a sense of confidence that he would follow, and she was oddly okay with that.

Jordan was quick to follow her familiar ways, but knew Harry was following closely behind her. They slid around the back of the headmaster's office, and she glanced once to see if he was still behind her, his unruly hair blowing wildly with the wind. He was walking a small distance behind, peculiar in her mind, but she didn't question him any more than he'd questioned her.

She approached the back door of her dorm building, feeling regret for bringing him here, but it was her place to hide. She kept her eyes peeled for any of their proctors, but no one was in sight. It was nearly ten minutes since class let out, and she easily assumed most were already present for the assembly. She reached for the door but jumped at the feel of the hand against her back. She turned with wide eyes to see Harry wordlessly indicating at someone through the window. He wasn’t hurting her, he was keeping her out of trouble, and that thought caused Jordan to calm again. She breathed a sigh and shook her head in his direction.

"That's just Bertha," Jordan whispered, despite the fact they were alone with no one around. "She won't say a word," she murmured, and Harry nodded in understanding. She reached for the door a second time, pulling from Harry's warmth, and fought the unnecessary pounding in her heart, her breath still feeling caught in her throat.

Jordan stepped through the doorway, moving steadily towards the stairs, her eyes peeled for anyone other than Bertha. She didn’t say anything, listening intently, but couldn't hear anyone else around. Feeling uneasy, she reached behind her and grabbed Harry's wrist, slowing as they approached the back stairs.

“Are you getting me into some trouble?” he whispered suddenly, amusement filling his tone and Jordan stopped, turning to face him curiously.

“Are you opposed to that?” she asked him, feeling a little playful but the jovial gaze he had. “I mean, I could take you back.”

“No, no,” he laughed softly, glancing to ensure they weren’t going to be heard, “I’d much rather get into some trouble with you.” Jordan rolled her eyes and tightened her grip around his wrist, pulling him through the staff quarters. He continued to laugh behind her, and she glanced to see a grin covering his face, his dimples apparent. Jordan suddenly felt like smiling even more herself, something she hadn’t felt in some time.

They were close to her room and she finally released her hold on Harry long enough to reach into her pocket for the key. Jordan could feel Harry standing close, much closer than she usually allowed and tried to ease her uncertain thoughts. She slowly turned her key in the lock, the soft sound almost echoing with the rapid pulse in her ears. Jordan glanced to the side, her eyes meeting Harry's green ones, and she felt stuck until he pushed against her back, urging them inside.

Once inside, he moved even closer and crowded into her space, causing her to stutter as she fought for something rational to say. He wasn’t touching her, but his body was more confident in the movements, slowly forcing her backwards. The door had been open, but it was suddenly shut behind them. He still wasn't touching her, he wasn't even meeting her gaze, but he wasn't backing away either.

Jordan felt unbearably hot and struggled to figure out his angle, why he was acting that way, if he was the same as Todd, or was he different than the rest. He’d given her indications that he was, but she wasn’t one to trust just anyone. Harry was taller, stronger, and seemed to know what he wanted, though she wasn’t sure what that was. His body towered over hers and Jordan knew he could do whatever he wanted, but the feeling didn’t completely frighten her.

The silence was deafening, but she didn’t yet break it, watching Harry intently as he stared at her. There was a confidence in his movements, but also the knowledge that if she pushed him away, he'd move away completely. Jordan suddenly felt a sharp pain in her palm, and it was enough to force her to look away from his intense gaze. She realized her key was so tight in her fist, her hands trembling just enough to make the marks needed to give her a chance to breathe properly.

“Let me see,” his voice was low, almost a whisper. Jordan once again surprised herself by complying and allowing him the chance to loosen her grip. She opened her hand, revealing her palm, reddened by the indents of the key and he took it out of her hand. Her fists clenched once again, fingernails digging, but it wasn’t like the key.

Harry's fingers moved, his hand ghosting over her fingers to take the keys. Jordan watched each individual movement, the flex of his wrist as he moved them to the table beside the door. Jordan was trapped, lost in the quiet moment. The tension was practically unbearable, and she forced out a breath of laughter, unable to help it, because she was still fearing everything about the situation but wanting it even more.

Jordan lifted her gaze to see Harry watching, there were no emotions, he was simply watching, as though wondering what she was going to do. She didn't know how to react to the strange boy who'd followed her to her dorm. In the back of her mind, she remembered her father's harsh words about boy's needs and wants, but she didn't feel that with Harry. He didn't seem to have ill intentions, at least not yet. He wasn’t behaving like a boy that would force himself on her, not like she’d personally witnessed in the past.

"What's your game?" Jordan finally whispered, breaking the deafening silence with her typical accusatory question. Harry chuckled though, seemingly unperturbed by Jordan’s antics. His hand reached over her shoulder, and she watched closely for ill intent, but he surprised it by only resting it against the wall above her head. His eyes filled with amusement, but questions lingered, as though he didn't have an answer for her.

“What’s yours?” Harry asked, his accent thick in a very alluring way that made her head spin. He tilted his head to the side, but she refused to give anything away just yet. His aroma was stronger than ever, a thought that caused her body to warm, her skin tingling with him.

“I don’t have one,” Jordan responded in a firm tone, shaking her head as though she knew exactly what was happening just then. Harry chuckled, as though he didn’t believe her and she smiled up at him, feeling anxiety fade with his enjoyment.

“Why weren’t you at class yesterday?” Harry asked gently, his smile fading, as though he knew something Jordan didn’t. “I went looking for you.”

“I was sick,” she responded easily, but the look Harry’s face said he didn’t believe her. He was looking for her. Why? She didn’t get it. His gaze was still on hers and she was so close to giving in, telling him everything he was inquiring about. Harry’s free hand moved to the edge of her uniform jacket, tugging on the corner and she dropped her gaze to his movement, always cautious. “I didn’t feel like it,” she admitted quietly, not looking at him just then.

“I keep thinking I have you figured out,” Harry spoke after a long pause, his eyes staring behind her shoulder, “then you do something else and I don’t know what to think.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jordan answered honestly, feeling anxious again. Harry laughed and leaned his head closer, and she shifted, lifting her gaze moving back to his face.

“I don’t know either,” Harry responded, his voice light, but there were answers he wanted. She could tell that much about this situation. His voice was low, and Jordan gulped at the sound, her eyes watching him closely, waiting. It was as though he was offering something, but she didn’t know what it was. Did he want something with her? She couldn’t quite fathom that possibility, considering how people were around here. Still, Jordan didn’t pull away from the tugging on her jacket, wondering how this was going to go.

“Why’d you follow me?” Jordan asked, staring up at him, her lips remaining parted even after speaking. Harry’s eyes were light and playful, as he considered his response and she realized he was moving closer to her again.

“Why’d you want me to?” he finally retorted, leaning ever so gently, so close to feel his breath fan across the skin of her cheek.

“Why are you here?” Jordan returned, feeling pulled into his little game. A smile played at her lips and she struggled to hold it back, to pull away as she should just then. She’d never experienced anything like this before and she didn’t know what to make of how he was toying with her.

“Why aren’t you pulling away?” Harry questioned back; the words more powerful than she expected. Jordan’s eyes grew wide and she didn’t have an answer.

“What do you want from me?” Jordan asked softly, biting her lip as she stared up into his eyes. Harry’s didn’t waver and without realizing it moments before, Jordan realized just how close he’d moved in. Jordan’s back pressed against the door, leaving her with nowhere to go, but couldn’t figure out what she wanted from this moment. Harry still took another step closer, pressed nearly against her, giving her barely an ounce of air to breathe properly.

“Do you want me to go?” Harry whispered, taking a slow breath after speaking the words. Jordan didn’t move her gaze, and it felt as though she never would, wanting to have someone stare at her like he was then. “Do you want me to go?” he repeated more intently, as though asking a question she hadn’t heard.

“Do you want to go?” she managed to ask, instead of answering him properly. The words were barely a breath on her lips, and she couldn’t stop her rapid, terrified thoughts at what was happening between them. Harry’s eyes flickered between hers, and she couldn’t help but feel entranced when she watched his tongue move across his lips, impossibly slow. For a moment, it was as though he was as nervous as she felt.

“I want to…” Harry trailed off, his voice wavering, and she could see in his eyes, he’s not quite sure either. “I want to know what you’re thinking right now.”

They were just supposed to be skipping an assembly, not staring at each other, pressed against the door of her dorm. Jordan had never even allowed anyone in here before, and she let Harry come in, a boy she’d only known a matter of weeks. Even that, he was just an acquaintance, a stranger, a mere classmate, but in that moment, she felt there was more to him than just that. Jordan didn’t know what to expect from him. She had to answer him, give him something. She slowly sucked in a breath, but found her head lifting higher, almost leaning into him as he was already doing with her.

“No,” she responded with a slight shake of her head, wondering then if he was going to do it, kiss her. The thought was intriguing and terrifying, all at the same time. “It’s better if you don’t,” she admitted with a rough laugh, “it’s better that you just go.”

“Is that what you want?” he asked, and she could feel the warmth of his body radiating into hers and then the feel of his hand, once on the door, but now playing with her long hair.

Closing her eyes, Jordan leaned into the touch, so soft and gentle, and offering a comfort she wasn’t aware she needed. She opened her eyes in time to see him moving closer, his breath fanning across her lips and when he brushed his lips against her, she let him do it. Harry kissed her, and she’d let it happen. Without a reasoning as to why, she leaned up on her toes, pushing forward and kissing him back, fully on the lips. And for that moment, she didn’t want to think anymore, she just wanted to act and give into the unfamiliar emotions she felt.


	4. Four.

Jordan sat on her bed and leaned her back against the wall, her gaze on the door. The spot in front of it held what had happened the day before, when Harry kissed her. But more importantly, she’d let it happen. Despite how she felt about it now, she knew she’d led him into it, somehow. She felt a level of guilt for how she’d pulled away afterwards, immediately kicking him out only moments later. And he’d gone willingly, his hands held up in surrender.

She’d avoided him all through the school day, but now that it was Friday night and the weekend, Jordan had nothing to do but drown in her thoughts. Therefore, she sat on her bed, staring at the space he’d occupied, the mixture of regret and guilt nearly overwhelming. Every glance made her cheeks grow warm, remembering how it felt with Harry pressed against her. Deep down, it had felt good, so much better than she’d imagined an actual first kiss to be, but it couldn’t happen again. That much she knew.

At that moment, it was too much and with a resigned sigh, Jordan decided to go into town. She needed to anyway, not wanting to fall into the trap as she had the previous weekend when she’d had to use the school cafeteria. That only led her into Harry, creating a liking for his presence. She sighed to herself and scolded herself for thinking of him once again. It was nearing dark and she knew most would be out by the lake, drinking unnoticed by the many staff that were aware of the excursions. She hoped Harry would be there, too. He was probably into that sort of thing, not that she’d know.

Groaning audibly into the silence of her room, Jordan put on a coat before grabbing her keys and wallet, slipping them into her pockets before she left. She moved quickly, trying to avoid the clench in her stomach as she walked through the tainted space by the door. She couldn’t let go of what had happened, and she wasn’t even sure what she regretted more, letting it happen or pulling away.

Truthfully, she did want to see Harry again and apologize for allowing him to kiss her, when Jordan knew full well, she wasn’t ready for something like that. A part of her was certain he’d come with her in the hopes to have something happen, but she had to tell him, make it never would again. But she’d avoided him instead, deciding to spend the day darting and hiding from his lingering gazes.

She walked out the backdoor of the dorm building but stopped at the sight of Todd walking ahead. His attention was elsewhere and didn’t see her, but it was a relief to see him walking in the direction of the lake. It was on the opposite end of the woods from her personal space, something that she liked. No one could bother her that way.

Jordan stood, trapped in the moment as she thought of where she wanted to go. Going to town was no longer a priority, especially knowing that Todd wasn’t in his dorm. She bit her lip, shivering as a wind ripped through the air, and she questioned going back to grab her sweatshirt. Something warmed inside her and she began moving forward, her feet propelling towards him who lingered in the back of her mind. She wasn’t even sure why she was behaving like this, and considering sneaking to Todd’s dorm, the ounce of hope to see Harry again.

It was stupid and foolish, but her impulsive ways were shining through once again. She found the way easily enough, remembering it clearly, but she didn’t want to think about that. Jordan’s fingers trembled as she opened the back door of the building and slipped in unnoticed. The proctors were facing other directions, presumably to watch for the students headed down to the bonfire. Quickly, she moved up the back stairs, the same as she’d enter her own.

By the time she reached the third floor, Jordan’s heart was pounding in her ears, her mind telling her to turn around, but she didn’t. When she spotted no one on the floor, she continued forward until she stood in front of his door. Harry’s door. Her eyes glanced to the label, Todd’s last name and then Styles written in beneath it. Even if she’d not know which door was his, this solidified her suspicions.

All of the sudden, Jordan heard voices and she was knocking on the door, unable to stop herself at the thought of being caught there. The sound echoed in her ear, mixed with the coming voices and she shifted anxiously as she continued to wait. Her blood raced through her veins in those moments, her eyes glancing towards the opposite stairs where the voices grow louder. Jordan didn’t want anyone to spot her there; she didn’t want anything going back to Todd, who would inevitably hold it over her head.

“Jordan?” she turned with a start, her eyes widening as she realized Harry was there. She’d knocked and he opened the door, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Her gaze flickered to his chest, lingering along the bare skin, littered with various tattoos. It was oddly intriguing, thoughts overtaking her as she looked further down, sucking in a breath with the way his pants hung low on his hips.

“Harry,” she whispered, feeling breathless. Jordan’s eyes moved back to his, and she nearly laughed at the smirk playing at his lips. He knew how she’d been staring.

“I was going to offer to put on a shirt,” he trailed off, laughing when she didn’t retort, words lost on her tongue with her embarrassment.

Jordan shook her head and felt all the anxiousness beginning to fade away. The sound of voices from the stairs broke her thoughts and she immediately looked up at Harry, uncomfortable with being alone with him, but didn’t want to get into trouble either. Suddenly he reached out, making the choice for her and her hand pressed against his torso as she was led inside the dorm. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled, her cheeks warming as she pulled her hand away. He shrugged hardheartedly and stepped back to give her space. She was relieved by the movement and wondered if her thoughts were that obvious. He could already read her better than most, something that kept drawing her into his presence.

“So,” Harry spoke gently, slightly leaning towards her, “what are you doing here?” Jordan bit her lip and dropped her gaze to the floor, as though it would give way to avoid answering. She spotted Todd’s bed closest to the door and shuddered involuntarily, closing her eyes tight.

“Why aren’t you at the party?” Jordan asked instead, anything to fill the terse silence that settled between them.

She started to move but knew this wasn’t her dorm and she didn’t own the place. She quickly readjusted, standing up straight again. But she was on Todd’s half and Jordan didn’t like that either. Slowly, her gaze shifted to his bare feet and she moved to Harry’s desk, carefully taking a seat in is desk chair. His desk the same as all the students got; still empty, presumably from when he arrived.

“How’d you know where my dorm was?” Harry asked casually. Jordan’s eyes lifted to him, and she didn’t have a way to answer without revealing secrets.

“You told me you lived with Todd,” she responded in a soft tone. She watched Harry move, her gaze shifting as he sat at the edge of his bed; his body turned towards hers.

“Okay, so how’d you know where Todd lives?” he asked then. She could see he was almost smiling, and she shrugged. Her fingers tapped rapidly on the desk, nervous now and she didn’t know if she’d be able to get out what she needed to say. When she’d come over, Jordan didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t this. Her hair fell over her shoulders towards her face, and in her desire to hide, she didn’t attempt to pull it away.

“I don’t know,” she finally answered when Harry didn’t say more. She was lying and was certain he knew it, too. Jordan shifted awkwardly at the sound of the sigh leaving his lips and cursed herself for caring so much.

“I’m not in the mood for liars and I don’t like people messing with me,” Harry stated suddenly, his voice growing hard. Jordan was taken aback, as she’d not seen this side of him before. Shaking her head quickly, she opened her mouth to speak and retort his accusation but knew full well he understood.

“I’m not a liar,” Jordan reacted, fighting with something rational to say. She was still startled by Harry’s attitude. She leaned back in her chair, staring at him as he stood.

“Why are you here, Jordan?” he asked, his gaze moving towards her and she realized he was moving towards her at the same time. His steps were slow, as though approaching a frightened animal and she didn’t know how to process this. Her eyes met his and her lips parted as she searched for a plausible answer, but she had none.

“I don’t know, okay,” Jordan finally cried out. Her hands flew up in the air before her palm landed flat on the desk in her frustration. “Why are you being so mean?” she murmured, feeling like a small child.

“Because you kicked me out without so much of an explanation,” Harry stated evenly, crossing his arms over his bare chest, “And then show up at mine, you stare at me like you want to fuck me, and you never answer any of my questions.”

“I don’t want to fu- uh, do that,” Jordan managed to squeak, shocked by his abrupt words. Her cheeks flushed, and she stared down at the ground. She thought about leaving, but didn’t have a reason to, not yet. He groaned loudly and she watched him pull a shirt from the floor, pulling it haphazardly over his body.

“Just tell me why you’re here,” Harry spoke again, and she watched his hand moving roughly over his face. She stayed silent, cursing herself as she watched him pinch the bridge of his nose in obvious annoyance.

“I felt bad,” she whispered, finally giving him an ounce of a real answer. Harry lifted his head, staring at her curiously before he started laughing. Jordan felt the corner of her lips twitching, but she couldn’t give in.

“Why’d you feel bad?” he asked. She shrugged and he stared openly, and she groaned, hating the way he was looking at her.

“Because I did,” she murmured. Jordan finally stood, done playing into his little game. She crossed her arms over her chest, matching his stance as she moved in front of him. “Don’t be an ass,” Jordan stated, trying to keep her voice tough. She needed to be stronger than him.

“I was being a gentleman,” Harry chuckled, shaking his head, “then you push me away and kick me out… for no reason.”

“I did too have a reason,” she whispered, watching as she realized Harry close, he’d gotten. He raised his eyebrows, as though asking the question, but she still didn’t have an answer.

“Why is it that you can’t answer any of my questions?” Harry asked gently, stepping closer still. Jordan bit her lip, staring up to him, as he towered over her and she shrugged.

“You don’t ask simple questions,” she nearly laughed, but when Harry reached a hand towards her hip, a different sound escaped her. Her lips parted and her gaze shifted from his face and down to his hand. Her brain was telling her that this was wrong, he’s just like the others, but her body was eager for the feel of his hands again.

“Why are you so short?” he questioned with a laugh, easing a small amount of tension from her. Jordan shrugged, this time almost smiling, her body grown warm when his fingertips grazed her hip, over the fabric of her clothing.

“My father was short,” Jordan said softly. Harry nodded and leaned closer, his palm against her side and she stared up at him with wide eyes. “What are you doing?” she whispered, her gaze unblinking as he lifted a hand towards her neck, and when his fingers ghosted across the sensitive skin, Jordan released a gasp of surprise.

“Don’t freak out,” Harry murmured, and Jordan could only nod. She was allowing this, once again, she was falling under his charms. Despite the urge to pull away, her heart pounding beneath her chest, she stayed where she was, her body almost leaning into his gentle touch.

“Why are kissing me?” Jordan asked when his lips were impossibly close, breaking the moment before she could give in too much. He huffed and pulled back slightly but didn’t loosen his hold.

“ _Trying_ ,” Harry mumbled, his thumb now brushing along the edge of her jaw. Jordan almost laughed despite herself and her hands hung limp at her sides. He didn’t sound annoyed now, his eyes showed warmth and care, despite how he was touching her.

“Okay,” she breathed out, barely speaking the words in a normal tone, “Why are you trying to kiss me?” Harry shifted closer, and she shifted back on instinct, and she realized he wanted that, was encouraging her towards the bed. She immediately stiffened and Harry instantly stopped his movements, his hold loosening on her small frame.

“You’re really frightened,” Harry whispered, moving his hand from her neck. His eyes bore into hers, as a look of realization crossed his face, “aren’t you?” Jordan didn’t speak. She couldn’t answer this question. Her eyes were open wide, staring up at him, and she slowly pulled her lip between her teeth, trying to figure out how to respond.

“I’m not one of those girls,” she managed to say, uncertain if she was making sense. “I don’t do things like this.”

“I never expected you to,” Harry responded quickly, but she couldn’t read the look in his eyes. Jordan didn’t understand why he’d tried to kiss her again. She didn’t understand why she felt the pull to him, why she didn’t want to pull away.

Harry’s eyes flickered between hers, the silence overpowering, as she remained so close to him. He wasn’t forcing her, convincing with his touches or kisses where she didn’t like. He was simply waiting. Harry was making her second guess everything she’d figured out the year before, and there was a strong part of her that liked it.

“Kiss me,” Jordan spoke suddenly. Harry hesitated this time, lifting his hand away from her side.

Jordan wasn’t sure why she wanted it so abruptly, maybe for the simple reason when he was around, no other things mattered. She reached forward this time and lifted her fingertips to brush along his neck. She wanted to pull his lips to hers but didn’t have the courage. Harry didn’t react right away, and she felt a rush of shame, afraid she was fucking up how this was supposed to happen. She began to pull back, her hands falling from him, sliding down the length of his torso. Her lips parted and moved her body to create space between them.

Harry reached then, grabbing her waist as he leaned down, his lips meeting hers with no more hesitation. The movements weren’t like the day before, instead, his lips moved as though she’d had as much practice as him. At the same time, he was slowing, once again able to read her movements. The heat in the room grew as he kissed her thoroughly, but in a way that was almost him teaching her. As his lips moved slowly against hers, she felt every reason she’d had to pull away steadily disappear.

Jordan’s fingers flexed and then began to grip his shirt. She felt her body warm as their bodies moved closer until he was pressed against her, just like when she’d been against the door. As he parted her lips with a flick of his tongue, Jordan felt the fear return. She could easily recall her last moments in the same situation, and she had to pull away. Her breaths were scattered as the oxygen filled her lungs once again, and she didn’t dare open her eyes.

“Why do you want to kiss me?” she asked breathlessly, keeping her eyes closed. She felt a smile creep across her lips when he began to laugh, so close that it was a melody against her ear. His hands began to loosen on her hips, and she sighed, uncertain if she wanted the space or not.

“Not sure,” Harry laughed, and she opened her eyes. He stared down at her and she nodded, able to accept the answer. “Let’s sit,” he suggested, glancing towards his bed and back to her, “just to sit.” Jordan nodded, feeling a sense of trust grow as he pulled away.

“Todd’s not going to come back?” Jordan dared to speak, her eyes unable to meet Harry’s, “Is he?” She watched him scoot to the edge of the bed and she curled her arms around her torso protectively, not moving forward until he answered.

“I don’t know,” Harry answered honestly. She nodded and stepped backwards, moving towards the door.

Jordan couldn’t stay if that were the case, she couldn’t face him. Class was bad enough, but here, without any witnesses, she didn’t trust a soul. She opened her mouth to say good-bye, but before she had a chance, the sound of the lock turning rang through the small dorm.

“Oh, f--,” she hissed, a mixture of shame and fear overtaking all her senses and she couldn’t come up with what to do. Tears filled her eyes, hands trembled against her sides. She turned around several times, searching frantically, but she was stuck in a room with no place to hide.

“Here,” she heard Harry’s voice in her ear, his arms wrapping tight around her body as he pulled her to the bed. “Get in, now,” he hissed, pushing her quivering form beneath his thick duvet.

Jordan rolled onto her stomach, hands quickly covering her eyes as she pressed her palms against her eyes, as though it would stop the sudden tears. With a gasp, Harry was suddenly shoving her body next to the wall and threw a pillow over her head. Jordan fought to breathe as she heard the door open fully, revealing the boy she most wanted to avoid.

Jordan felt Harry’s legs beside hers and she knew he’d slid beneath the blanket, maybe feigning sleep. She wasn’t sure. Her body stiffened when his hand slid along her back, but after a moment, she began to feel calmer. She breathed deep, Harry’s scent everywhere, one she wasn’t aware existed. For a few moments, she was able to forget her predicament, and for just a few moments, she was just with Harry.

“Oh, you’re here,” Jordan flinched when Todd spoke, his voice slurring. She curled tighter into herself as she recognized the sound of a giggle. It was almost familiar, but Jordan couldn’t place it through the muffle of the blanket. Harry’s hand faltered on her back and she suddenly wanted to reach for him but didn’t understand why he would want to return the gesture. She was being the one thing she hated so much. She was a burden.

Harry talked to him, but kept his hand on her back, not pulling away, even for a moment. Jordan counted in her head, waiting for when she could breathe again, only when Todd was gone. Once she got to a thousand, she started over again, her body aching for movement. Harry’s fingers continued to move, but Todd wasn’t leaving. He was lingering and it made more tears spill from her eyes, knowing he’d never truly leave her thoughts. Ever.

Tears continued to fill her eyes, and she felt trapped in the situation all over again. She hated how that boy made her feel, but she still couldn’t escape it. She held in the sniffle, but even her deep breaths couldn’t keep the tears from falling, and she was certain she was going to give away her position. The blanket began to wet around her as she cried the silent tears. Harry’s hand flat against her back was the only reminder she wasn’t alone.

He pulled away and Jordan’s body stiffened instantly, unsure as Harry shifted around her. Jordan kept her face pressed into the blanket, hiding her tears as the arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her from the wall. His other hand moved the pillow from the top of her head and tried to hide beneath the blanket. He tried to move it, but she kept the fabric pressed against her face.

“Jordan?” he spoke softly. Jordan shook her head, unwilling to let him see her tears. His voice filled with confusion and she didn’t know what to say. Her shoulders shook as she fought to calm, the attempt only making it worse. She heard him breathe unsteadily and knew that he knew that she was crying now. Jordan felt sick to her stomach, and she just wanted to hide. “He’s gone,” Harry said softly, his arm still tight around her, “He’s not coming back.”

Jordan nodded into the blanket, but still refused to pull away. Harry was being so nice, and she didn’t get it. Her crying increased and she had to pull away, just to breathe in some air, her lungs tightening without it. Harry took the moment to pull the blanket away from her hands, his arm still tight around her.

“He’s gone,” Harry repeated, but she didn’t lift her face. She let her hair block his view and jerked away when he tried to move it, but he held strong and slid it past her shoulders.

Jordan closed her eyes, still sniffling, her cheeks damp and it felt bitter against the cool air. She wanted to apologize, but didn’t dare speak, for fear the crying would start again. She just broke down in front of a boy she hardly knew, and he wasn’t asking for an explanation, but she knew he was going to want one.

“I should go,” she managed to whisper, tears still in her eyes. Harry’s hold tightened, but he didn’t speak, instead leaning closer to her. She didn’t try to pull away, feeling the sudden urge to stay right where she was. If she left now everyone, she passed would be able to see how upset she was. They’d use it against her.

“Hey,” Harry spoke gently and slowly eased her onto her back, moving her body until she faced the ceiling. Jordan kept her eyes closed, sighing as Harry brushed the hairs from her face.

“Sorry,” Jordan mumbled. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, hesitantly opening her eyes. Harry’s brow furrowed as he stared down at her and she didn’t know what else to say. She wanted to forget every reason she had to cry in the first place, but in the room, it was so strong.

As she stared up at Harry, her eyes displaying the need for something, anything to distract her. She somehow knew he’d let her, so she closed her eyes and wrapped a hand around his wrist for leverage. When his lips pressed to hers, she immediately parted hers. It was slow and gentle, until Harry repeated his earlier actions. His tongue dipped between her lips, awkward at first, but as Jordan began to return the movements, she soon found satisfaction in the actions.

Harry’s hand slid around her back, his fingertips firm against her as he pressed his lips harder, his movements more practiced and rehearsed than she could do. Jordan wanted to pretend she’d done this all before, but it was another lie. When it became too much, she pulled away, and surprisingly, Harry did too, as though he knew she might.

With her eyes still closed, Harry leaned back in, pressing his lips to hers again, but this time, softer and gentler. Each slow touch of his lips caused her body to react in ways she’d only imagined, her body warming with the touch of him. His teeth grazed the edge of her lip, gently tugging and a gasp left her throat involuntarily. She opened her eyes, staring up at him and she didn’t understand why this was happening.

“Are you mad?” she whispered cautiously, needing the confirmation that she’d not upset him. She licked her lips, able to sense the taste of him on her tongue and it was exhilarating, distracting her for a moment.

Harry didn’t answer her. Jordan’s hand lifted and pressed to Harry’s shoulders, pushing him back harder than she meant to. Her chest heaved with the need to breathe, but with the rush of oxygen, it all felt too much. She pressed her hands against her eyes, trying to make sense of it.

“It’s okay, you know,” Harry spoke after several long moments, the both of them on his bed, breathing heavily from their actions. Jordan lifted a hand again, one eye flickering to Harry’s face, where he still hovered over her. She felt his fingertips along her rib cage, his eyes boring into hers as he spoke.

“What is?” she whispered, fearful of how he leaned against her. His lips formed a straight line, his eyes searching hers.

“That you haven’t, well,” Harry’s face flushed a light pink and Jordan felt her cheeks warming, “fucked anyone.”

“I, uh,” she tried to speak. Jordan closed her eyes tightly, trying to word it right, “I have, actually.” She waited a moment and then opened her eyes to find Harry’s filled with questions, ones she wasn’t going to answer.

“Okay,” Harry finally said, and Jordan breathed a slow breath to calm her emotions. She couldn’t cry in front of him again, she wouldn’t let herself.

“I have to go into town,” Jordan whispered after a long while, noticing how dark it’d become outside. Harry’s arm remained around her, but she was still searching for a moment of clarity. “I need some milk,” she continued, her eyes staring up at the ceiling.

“I’ll go with you,” Harry spoke, almost a question but more of a statement, one she wasn’t willing to argue.

“Okay,” Jordan nodded, feeling herself smile. He still lay hovered over her, as though intent in the position, and she felt a sense of disappointment grow knowing she was about to pull away. She could see that he wasn’t going to ask about what happened with Todd, but he wanted to know, she could feel it by his cautious gaze, as though wary of upsetting her again.

Jordan moved her gaze back to Harry, and he leaned down before she had a chance to close her eyes, his lips pressing to hers. It was easier than the earlier times, her lips immediately responding as her hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. It didn’t make any sense, but Jordan almost liked that about Harry. He wasn’t like the rest and didn’t put up with her stubbornness, and dealt with her tears. It was an odd notion, but maybe he truly was different from the rest. Maybe he was actually someone worthwhile.


	5. Five.

"So, what's this thing about anyway?" Jordan stuck her head out of the stall she was cleaning, glancing towards Harry in confusion. He sat on the edge of an overturned bucket, his finger pointing to the sign on the wall about the upcoming school event.

"I dunno," she murmured, turning back to the toilet, despising this punishment as much as the last one. She groaned in disgust as the scent filled her nostrils, lifting the mask back over her face. "What's it say?" she called out, not bothering to move back as she simply wanted to get this done.

"Family day!" Harry spoke in overly happy manner. Jordan laughed and slid backwards on her kneepads as she flushed the toilet a final time. She stood, resting a hand over her hip when she stepped from the stall, confused at the laughter leaving Harry's lips.

"What?" she asked, narrowing her gaze at him. She didn’t like people making fun of her, even one she considered a friend, if that’s what they were.

"You look like a goalie," Harry mused, cocking his head to the side, "or maybe a Ghostbuster." Jordan rolled her eyes, sighing when she entered the second stall. "Seriously, this thing?" he responded, pointing again, "Is it just families visiting and shit?"

"Yep," Jordan answered, knowing she had no interest in it. Her mother wouldn’t come, as it was. "Just lots of money loving suits sucking up so we can finally get that extension to the pool they've been dying for."

"The pool is fine as it is," Harry pointed out. Jordan shook her head and leaned against the metal divider between the stalls. She pulled one glove off and then the other. "You done?" Harry asked contentedly and Jordan shook her head.

"I'm close enough," Jordan reasoned, throwing her gloves in the trash. "Why are you so eager?" she cocked an eyebrow and he shrugged, standing from the bucket and rubbed his back dramatically.

"Because we're going to the zoo," Harry said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. He stood, leaning towards her, and looking at him, she wondered if he was going to kiss her again. Still, Jordan shrugged him away and he rolled his eyes, causing her to drop her gaze.

"We're not going to the zoo," Jordan mumbled, perfectly content going back to her room. She didn't invite him into her punishment, and she wasn't eager to attend some stupid field trip, especially to the zoo.

"Shut up," Harry groaned suddenly and Jordan was taken aback by his response. She lifted her gaze, staring curiously when he spoke again, "We are, too. I want to see the zoo, and you're taking me."

Jordan continued to pack up her things, not saying a word. She should never have let him hang around the punishment, even if it had been his fault. She’d been caught leaving the boy’s dorm and immediately found herself in the Headmaster’s room yet again. She felt annoyed with Harry's presence, but didn't understand why.

She remained speechless as she left the bathroom, feeling him follow closely as she walked down the hall. Jordan sighed and dropped the supplies in the adjacent janitor's closet, not speaking as she took her time putting everything back. She exited the small room, but turned to find Harry stepping back, eyeing her warily. She cleared her throat, preparing to speak when a voice stopped her.

"Ms. Young," Jordan inwardly groaned at the sound of Mr. Sellers voice. She stared at Harry as the headmaster spoke again, sighing audibly just to piss the Headmaster off, "Have a good day, Mr. Styles."

"Uh, yeah," Harry mumbled, his eyes meeting Jordan's for a moment before he turned in the direction of his dorm. She watched as he climbed the back stairs and turned to face Mr. Sellers again, her guard immediately up. She suddenly wished she had agreed for the zoo, despite her trepidations with going there.

"Let's have a look at your work, shall we?" He held his arm out and she shrugged away from his touch, walking quickly back to the last restroom she cleaned. Despite it being her last punishment, Jordan suddenly feared he would prolong it. It wouldn't be the first time he’d done it to her.

Jordan walked into the bathroom where Mr. Sellers had gone, stepping aside as he entered behind her. She stayed by the door, always feel the urge to run, if necessary. He walked around slowly, and she grimaced as he entered each stall, taking his time inspecting her work. He crossed his arms as he stepped towards the sinks, his finger running along the edge of the counter.

"You shouldn't be hanging around that boy," Mr. Sellers spoke suddenly, causing Jordan to scowl. She huffed and leaned against the wall, her arms crossing over her chest in the same fashion when he continued, "you know nothing about him."

"You can't tell me what to do," Jordan seethed, rolling her eyes again, "You're not my father."

"You will not see him," Mr. Sellers’ voice raised, and Jordan’s lips parted with surprise when his hand came down, slamming against the sink for emphasis. Jordan felt her face growing red in anger, despite her jump of surprise, and felt the familiar tears beginning to fill her eyes. She cursed herself, but refused to display emotion, not in front of him.

"You don't get to tell me what to do," Jordan whispered, desperately forcing her voice to remain steady, "you gave up that right last year."

"Don't tell me we're back to that again," he sighed. He stepped towards her, his eyes angry, though his face still held the smile, "I'm the closest thing to a father you've got."

"No," Jordan shook her head, refusing to hear the words he'd just spoken. She turned towards the door, fighting the urge to sniffle, knowing he had her where he wanted.

"This conversation isn't over," he stated but she kept moving forward, opening the door roughly, "that's another week of punishment for you." Jordan kept rushing forward, hiding the shake of her shoulders as she began to cry. She reached behind her head, pulling her hair loose from the messy bun, letting the layers of hair shade her face from view.

As Jordan stormed through the dorm doors and broke into a run, her tears flowing freely as she moved towards the woods on the far right. When she entered through the short clearing, she began to stumble, her feet feeling like rubber along the rough path. She nearly fell over a large root in the ground and Jordan let her body fall against the thick trunk of the tree, her body shaking and hyperventilating from her overflow of tears.

"Jordan?" She stiffened her back, straightening and sucked in a breath at the sound of Harry’s voice. He was close, much closer and when Harry slid his arm around her back, she shoved him off. "What's going on?" he asked softly, but she shook her head, foolish for crying in front of someone, worried anyone else might’ve seen.

"Just leave," Jordan murmured, pleased he hadn’t touched her again. She kept her face ahead, not wanting to watch him depart. She heard him sigh and she felt her voice grow desperate, "please, just go."

"He didn't hurt you," Harry asked in a hesitant voice, "did he?" Jordan suddenly laughed darkly, despite the entire situation, and shook her head.

"No," she mumbled wiping her cheeks on her sleeve. Harry stepped back as she turned, staring up at him. His face was serious, as though trying to read what she wasn't going to say aloud. "Okay," she nodded, forcing the rest of the tears back.

"Okay, what?" he asked, keeping his voice in a tone meant for a child. Jordan kept wiping at her cheeks until they were mostly dry, her fingertips trying to ease the dampness from her eyelids. It was ridiculous. He’d already seen her cry, more than any other student in the class, and still, she was agreeing to spend more time with him.

"Let's go the zoo," she responded with a sigh, finding relief in the thought of getting away from the place. Harry's eyes immediately lit up, and she bit her lip, feeling her chest tighten at the sight. "You're such a child," she mused, but couldn't keep her lips from forming a smile.

"I'd kick his ass, you know?" Harry spoke up when she started walking forward. Jordan stared at the ground for a moment before lifting her gaze to Harry, "I would."

"I know," Jordan nodded, trusting him without a real reason. They walked around the edge of campus, wordlessly moving together, the silence causing Jordan to relax.

"Do you like it here?" Harry asked after a while, glancing towards Jordan, "Not the school, but I mean the village." Jordan chuckled, but nodded, admitting the truth.

"I actually grew up here," she admitted, glancing as they walked towards the main drag of town. "It was different then," she whispered wistfully, thinking of things she tried not to.

"What changed?" Harry asked quietly. His hand gave hers a squeeze, and it was then that she realized that Harry had been holding it. She didn’t know when it had started, and she tensed, afraid someone would see them. But, at that moment, it wasn’t herself she was concerned for, but him. He’d be ostracized for spending too much time with her.

"Me, I guess," Jordan answered with a sigh, knowing how much more there was to say, but she wasn’t ready for that. She let her hand fall back to her side, and crossed an arm over her chest as though she hadn’t pulled away from him. She kept the hold tight around her torso, holding herself protectively, "I used to like the school, now I can't wait to leave."

"Why?" he prodded, and she glanced to see he might’ve been thinking about the day with the Todd scenario. Jordan could sense something more than curiosity in his voice. Her lips formed a flat line, thinking about it, slowly remembering the events leading up to Todd.

"When I was a kid, everything was amazing," she answered, as they neared the bus stop. She leaned against the metal covering and Harry stood in front of her, staring down. She lifted her gaze, "was it like that for you? I mean, just everything perfect?"

"Nope," Harry shook his head. His gaze fell behind her shoulder and Jordan sighed, understanding he wasn’t going to elaborate. For that moment, she felt they understood each other and almost trusted him just then.

"My dad would take me to the zoo every month," Jordan admitted, wary of speaking it to Harry but trusting him to keep her tiny secrets. The larger ones were another story. He didn’t say anything more, so she continued, avoiding his imploring gaze. "I loved it, every Saturday we'd do something. If it rained, we went to the museums in the city or he'd take me to the symphony hall to hear Beethoven, or Mozart or whatever else was playing that weekend. I loved it."

"So, what happened?" Harry asked softly after a long pause.

Jordan lifted her gaze and shrugged, unwilling to divulge any more details. Harry released a slow huff of breath, his eyes staring behind her shoulder again, and she began to wonder if his secrets were like her own. She wondered if he had things, he promised himself he’d never reveal. Jordan wondered if he was as different from her as she initially thought he was.

"So, I sort of lied," Harry smiled after a moment, but Jordan didn't match the sentiment. She slid back from him, creating space, unsure of what he was going to say. His face fell, but he continued, "I've never actually been to the zoo."

"Oh," Jordan breathed out a chuckle, shaking her head at the initial thought that he was terrible. Jordan felt her cheeks warm and Harry slid his hand into hers, tugging her close to him.

"You're going to be my tour guide," Harry grinned, and Jordan nodded in agreement, suddenly growing happy for the adventure. It’d been nearly six years since her last visit, just before everything changed. The bus pulled up and she bit the corner of her lip as Harry pulled them forward, pulling the change from his pocket for the fare.

They were sitting on the bus, just the two of them in the back, when Harry shifted. He sat in the aisle seat, but turned towards the window, his knees pressing against hers as he watched what she was. Jordan felt his hand slide into hers and she wanted to glance towards him, to know what his eyes were saying, but didn’t dare. For once, she didn’t want to ruin the calm she felt.

Deep down, Jordan knew the entire thing felt too comfortable and felt herself falling into something that shouldn’t make sense. Though, it wasn’t any more confusing than anything else in her life. Harry’s hand tightened and he slid his fingers between hers, curling protectively. He still didn’t speak, and she once again wished for the courage to glance at his face, wanting to read his expression.

“Relax,” Harry whispered, the sudden sound of his lips at her ear causing her to jump. Harry began to laugh, loud at first but soon a low rumble in his chest, and Jordan couldn’t help but smile to herself.

“I’m trying,” she finally responded. She moved to pull her hand from Harry’s, but this time he wouldn’t let her, holding her hand even tighter. “What are you doing?” she asked softly, still staring ahead, refusing the glance to him.

“Helping you relax,” Harry answered defiantly, and Jordan rolled her eyes, but kept smiling. The bus continued to rumble along, shaking as the road turned to the dirt and she knew they were getting close to the zoo.

“We’re almost there,” Jordan breathed a sigh, reveling in the thought of breaking from the proximity of Harry. Every breath she took she could breathe him in, a scent that didn’t make sense, but was unquestionably Harry.

When the bus pulled to stop off at the main entrance, Jordan felt her stomach roll with excitement, the same she felt on Christmas morning. She cautiously looked to Harry, but his eyes were already on her. Suddenly, she knew he was just as excited. He stood, but didn’t release her hand, and pulled her along as they stumbled along the walk of the bus.

“Last pickup is four,” the bus driver called after them. Harry murmured a response of understanding, while Jordan struggled not to fall with his quick movements.

“Slow down,” Jordan chuckled, her free hand pressing against his back so he’d catch her attention. She huffed a breath when he hadn’t slowed and yanked his hand, feeling playful in that moment.

“Well, if you weren’t so short,” Harry chuckled, causing her to elbow his side. They found an open line and with a glance to Harry, Jordan didn’t try to pull out her wallet. He finally released her hand when he paid, but he stayed close, his free hand pressed to her back as they handed him the tickets.

“Did you get train tickets?” she asked after a moment, the train’s whistle sounding in the distance. Harry nodded, wrapping an arm fully around her waist as they walked towards the depot, and for once, she didn’t fight the movement.

There wasn’t much to say as they walked, Jordan closer than necessary, but she was letting it all happen. When they sat on the train, Harry’s hand in hers, Jordan felt like a child all over again. She knew part of her allowing all this was due to level of nostalgia, she’d always loved the zoo. Jordan’s smile couldn’t fall from her face as saw each of the animals, the lions, the elephants, and especially the giraffes. She felt the urge to cry when the ride ended, but it wasn’t the angry tears she used to, but happy ones.

After the train, she and Harry walked through every section of the zoo, reading every signs, and feeding the ducks, taking pictures with the giraffes, and, of course, awing over the monkeys. It was the perfect day, something she hadn’t experienced in a long time. He held her hand and Jordan held his, wishing the end of the day would never come. Her heart pounded when they came towards the end of the giant circle, but without a word, Harry kept moving forward and they went through the park a second time.

“Thanks,” Harry spoke, his voice breaking the contented silence as they waited for the final bus. Jordan nodded, but didn’t respond, instead letting her head fall against his shoulder as they sat on the bench. She closed her eyes, breathing deep, and she felt the urge to sleep just like that, against Harry.

“Jor,” Harry shrugged, and she opened her eyes to see the bus approaching. She followed him, standing when he did as the bus slowed before them. The doors opened and they climbed the stairs, Jordan’s legs feeble from all the walking. Her eyes met the driver’s gaze, and she felt herself pale in surprise of the familiar face, known as Stan.

“Good to see ya’,” he spoke warmly, and Jordan nodded, feeling herself smile at him, “have fun?” Jordan stared for a moment and she could see he desperately wanted to know more, and she hesitated before responding.

“Yeah, I did,” she nodded, stepping towards a waiting Harry, and taking his hand yet again.

“Good, good” he chuckled, his eyes showing he wanted to say more. Instead, Stan shook his head, “now get behind the yellow line.” Jordan smiled, her anxiousness fading, and she followed his instructions. Harry led them to the back of the full bus, finding an open spot in the corner and ushered her towards it.

Harry slid in first this time and this time Jordan leaned up close to him, her knees against his as she glanced out the window. His arm slid around her shoulder and she sighed, leaning her head back against his shoulder. He didn’t ask about Stan, but he was tense, and Jordan had the distinct feeling that he wanted to.

“Thanks,” Jordan whispered this time. Harry nodded above her, his hand tightening around her shoulder and she hummed to herself.

“You gonna fall asleep?” Harry asked after a moment and Jordan shrugged, knowing she could if she let herself. The bus lurched around them and she recalled the drive back to town took longer than the way around; there were more stops this way.

“Do you like it here?” Jordan said softly, her eyes opening to stare out the window. Harry shrugged and she understood his answer, she felt the same. “Do you wish you were home?”

“No,” Harry answered quickly, much faster than she expected. His body grew rigid and she wondered if she should pull away, but he began to speak before she had a chance, “There’s nothing for me there.”

“I’m sorry,” Jordan whispered, unsure what else to say. Harry shrugged and she knew it wasn’t the right thing but didn’t have an alternative.

“S’okay,” Harry released a sigh. Jordan sucked in a breath, trying to find some courage. She brought her hand to where his remained around her arm and interlocked their fingers. His tightened around her own and she felt herself relax, a feeling of peace knowing he was okay.

It was dinnertime by the time they returned to town, but they didn’t stop for food. Harry followed her towards the school, his body pulling from hers when they approached the campus, and Jordan found relief in that. She stepped forward, walking toward hers without checking to see if he’d follow. She hadn’t decided what she wanted, not yet.

Jordan saw the students wandering towards the woods and she knew it was time for the weekly party, but she ignored them, as she always did. Feeling anxious, Jordan moved towards the back of her building and turned to look, feeling easier that Harry was still there. She bit down on her lip and turned forward, glancing through the window to see if someone was there. Reaching for Harry’s hand, pulling him in behind her, and opened the door for them both to enter.

Jordan couldn’t describe her reasoning, but the entire day rolled together as they walked up the back stairs and finally to her floor. Harry was right there with her and she pulled him, needing to feel him closer to her. No one drifted among the halls when they stood in front of her door, and she felt hesitant, Jordan’s shaking hand struggled to open the door.

In that moment, she didn’t want him to leave, but it didn’t stop her nerves. Jordan fought to keep her breath normal as she stepped inside, her hand releasing Harry’s and listened to him close the door behind them. Jordan turned, prepared to say something, anything, but the moment she turned, Harry’s hands were cupping her face. There wasn’t enough time to be surprised as his lips pressed firmly to hers. Nothing was gentle about the way his tongue slid into her mouth, and she quickly reciprocated the action.

Jordan’s body grew warm, her heart pounding and she wrapped her hands around Harry’s waist, pulling his body to hers. She felt him moving but could only concentrate on the taste of him on her tongue. Suddenly she realized how close they were to her bed, and he lowered her onto it expertly, his body firm over hers. His hands reached for her waist, his fingers dipping beneath her shirt, and she gasped out of the desperate kiss, her hands gripping his wrists.

“Just-just kiss me,” she whispered, Jordan’s eyes finding his, desperate for him to understand what couldn’t bear to say aloud. He nodded, leaning in again to kiss her, but this time it wasn’t the desperate, needy touches. It was soft, as though relishing in the feel of her against him. Harry’s hands slid beneath her back, his body pressed against hers, but the only touch was his lips moving with hers.

Jordan felt so heated, her body hot beneath Harry, and her hands curled around his waist, fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. She felt her stomach swirl tightly at the feel of him pressed against her and her chest squeezed uncomfortably. Her eyes clenched, still closed, as she fought against the feeling rising within her, the want to run away. Harry suddenly moved, his hips moving once against her, and Jordan tore her lips from him.

“Stop,” Jordan gasped, and he rolled off her, falling against the wall with his arm still around her waist. With the rush of oxygen, Jordan felt like she could almost breathe again and could hear Harry’s ragged breathing beside her, matching her own.

“It’s okay,” Harry whispered, his arm pulling her body closer to him. Jordan let him move her as his lips pressed soft, lingering kisses against her ear, “it’s okay.” Jordan tried to nod, but she needed some control. She couldn’t decide, not sure if she needed him to leave, needed him to stay, needed him to fix everything inside her.

Jordan finally opened her eyes and with remorse, realized she had started crying again. She felt the shame rise within her and her hands flew over her eyes. She tried to roll away with her embarrassment, but Harry wouldn’t let her, holding her close to him. She knew why she was this way, but he wasn’t running from it. She didn’t know where to place that in her mind.

“You thirsty?” Harry asked gently and Jordan shook her head, “You hungry?” She shook her head again, “You want me to go?” Jordan shook her head again but started laughing, feeling him begin to ask another question. She let her hands fall from her eyes, not bothering to wipe the tears as she turned to face him.

“I’m sorry,” Jordan whispered but Harry shrugged, his features showing he wasn’t bothered. His eyes flickered between hers and she had to pull her gaze away, unwilling to answer the silent questions. “Stay,” she managed to speak, not certain where her courage was coming from.

Harry stared for a moment before nodding, leaning his head against the pillow. Jordan wiped the wetness from her cheeks and turned onto her side, away from him. Despite how things were, she was surprised when Harry wrapped his arm. She felt safe, content with his tight hold around her, bringing their bodies together. Jordan closed her eyes, trying to edge away from the feeling she should’ve told him to go. Because, deep down, she didn’t want him to leave her alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I appreciate it. It's not my best writing, but I still like this story.


	6. Six

Jordan twirled the blade of grass between her fingers, twisting it tighter and tighter until it slowly broke apart, falling against her crossed legs. Her eyes flickered towards the lake, and she breathed in deep, taking in the warm scents that surrounded her. Closing her eyes, she could imagine she was alone, but she knew it wasn't the truth with the sounds from the opposite side of the lake.

She glanced down to her watch, and with a twist in her stomach, she knew it was time to go. Her ride had left a few hours before, but Jordan knew the bus would get her where she needed to be in time. It was not the way she wanted to spend her Sunday. She thought of Harry and the zoo the weekend prior, wishing she hadn’t ghosted like she had.

The morning after their excursion, Jordan had awoken alone. She hadn’t seen him since, outside of the classes they had to attend. He hadn’t contacted her, and Jordan refused to be the first to take the initiative. Her punishments without his presence were oddly lonely, and she wondered if she noticed it before he’d made himself known in her life. A part of Jordan feared she had scared Harry off, but a different part knew she hadn’t. She was growing to trust him far more than she expected, and she didn’t know what to make of that.

Jordan stood and ambled towards her dorm to grab her purse and jacket. Despite intentions to stay a short while, it wouldn’t always go as planned. Her mother would try to make her visit for the next two days, but Jordan already planned out the excuses why she couldn’t. They had Monday and Tuesday off for in-services and conferences, but she didn’t have to worry about that. This was her mother’s way of avoiding Family Day the following weekend, not that Jordan was surprised. She sighed deeply as she neared the school, feeling her tension grow as she left the comfort of the woods.

Glancing at her watch again, Jordan began to walk faster, knowing she didn’t have much time to make it to the stop before the last bus. Without paying attention to her peers, Jordan began to jog towards her dorm, tumbling up the stairs towards her room. She grabbed her wallet and jacket, her eyes flickering before she grabbed a book as well. The bus ride would feel long, as it always did when she went home.

“Someone’s in a hurry,” Jordan turned with a start, staring at Todd as she exited her dorm building. She shook her head and walked away from him, legs unsteady as he stepped, as though to move closer. Jordan had to leave now to get to town. She forced herself to believe she didn’t care about him and focused on the task at hand.

“Leave me alone,” Jordan muttered when she felt him following her. Todd laughed behind her, and she could hear a few more voices, sending an uneasy shiver down her spine. He was showing off. A hand grabbed her elbow, and Jordan yanked her arm away so fast, she felt the burn against her skin when she stumbled out of reach. Todd towered over her, and she shook her head, willing back the angry sensation, “Don’t touch me!”

“You gonna sick your daddy on me?” Todd laughed, and Jordan had to suck in a breath, shaking her head. She stepped backward, her head still turned in the negative as Todd continued to laugh, his followers clueless behind him but still laughing. They didn’t know what he was actually like, and Jordan wanted to keep it that way. No one could understand what he’d done.

“Stay away from me,” she hissed, the words biting as they left her tongue.

Jordan turned quickly and began to run, her legs unsteady as they carried her from him. Jordan kept running until she was near the edge of campus but swore she could still hear Todd, like a ringing in her ears. Without thinking, she brought her hands over them to make it stop, her entire body trembling from the interaction. Her chest heaved for air, fighting to keep the emotions away, but like always, they were right there, ready to fall out.

“Jordan,” she jerked at the sound of her name, and instead of running, she tumbled to the ground. Her breaths were still quick, and she glanced to find Harry above her and not Todd. He eyed her curiously, though that glance changed, and she wasn’t able to stop herself from her inability to breathe. She looked towards the empty parking lot, knowing now that she was too late for the bus.

“Harry,” she forced a whisper, trying to appear that she was okay when she wasn’t. She was never okay when Todd was involved, but no one knew about that. No one knew her secrets. 

“You alright?” Harry asked carefully, his eyes still boring into hers, as though he could read every thought from her mind. Jordan wanted to nod and assure him that she was fine but could see that he already knew. She was never going to be okay.

“Yeah,” she whispered anyway, lying to him. Harry stared as though he didn’t believe her, but didn’t move closer, something she appreciated. Instead of moving towards her, he crouched in the grass, sitting a few feet away. She watched him play with the grass, similar to how she’d been shortly before. “I’m supposed to be at my mom’s,” she managed to say and lifted a shaky hand to look at her watch, “I missed the bus.”

“Where you going?” Harry asked, stretching his legs out towards her now. Jordan began shifting and closed her eyes, allowing her legs to uncurl towards his. 

“My mom’s,” Jordan mumbled, sighing as Harry’s body moved. He reached for her hand, and Jordan stared at his fingertips, afraid of what it meant should she give in. Carefully, he moved a few inches closer, and his hand slid around her wrist.

“Okay,” Harry whispered, as though asking if she was without saying the words. Jordan shook her head and wanted to pull back. Her chest felt tight, but then it always did after Todd made his presence known.

“Todd has a crowd at the quad,” Jordan barely spoke but somehow knew that Harry could hear her. She shivered uncomfortably at the interaction that had just occurred and closed her eyes tightly. To her surprise, Harry slid both hands around one of hers. She held her breath, feeling how his fingertips tickled her skin, so tense but it was calming.

“Come on,” he said gently, and she opened her eyes, looking at him cautiously, unsure what he wanted from her. “Let me get you back to your room.” She nodded her head, feeling anxious at the thought of running into Todd again, but calmed much more than she’d been.

“Todd-“ she trailed off sadly, and Harry shook his head. He leaned forward, a hand cupping Jordan’s cheek as he gently brushed his lips against her skin.

“Don’t worry about him,” he said softly, kissing her lips this time. Jordan realized she was letting him, not fighting the contact. It was a calming release, giving away too much, but she wasn’t running. Not yet.

Harry picked up her things, holding them in his left hand while his right held hers tightly, their fingers locked together. It’s as though he knew she might try to run, and he was going to stop her. When they neared the building, Harry led them down the path to go behind the building, but to Jordan’s horror, Todd was there with his group. Harry didn’t stop, didn’t move faster either, but kept his hand with Jordan’s. Her gaze stayed on the ground, afraid of what would happen if she looked at her childhood friend.

“Harry, my man, didn’t know you had it in you,” Todd’s voice carried across the corridor, and Jordan knew there was no way they could get to her room without getting caught now. She had nowhere to run, and Harry was still holding onto her, his grip tightening around her fingers.

“Nothing to say about it,” he responded efficiently, voice aloof as though he wasn’t bothered, but Jordan understood otherwise. She moved with Harry, but from her stare at the ground, she was able to see his shoes. Todd had thoroughly approached. Her eyes lifted just enough to see how close he was getting, and she could feel the fear start again, knowing what it meant if he got too close.

“She’s a good girl when she wants to be,” Todd said gruffly and, without warning, lifted a hand to tug a strand of Jordan’s hair that had fallen loose.

The response was instantaneous. Harry had released her, dropped her things to the ground, and Jordan watched him punch Todd, square in the jaw. He lifted his arm, as though to swing again, but Jordan’s hand reached to him, both her hands against Harry’s back, clinging to his shirt to catch his attention. When he turned to look at her, she could see how angry he was, the reaction to Todd was evident, and she didn’t know what to do.

“Let’s go,” he said quickly, and she nodded her head, knowing she couldn’t leave him alone like this. He was muttering curses as they snuck into the building, hurrying to her room. She knew it was stupid, going where they would obviously be caught, but she didn’t dare go back to Harry’s, not where Todd could find them.

Once inside the dorm, Jordan moved to sit at the edge of her bed, still reeling from the shock of Harry punching Todd. He was pacing across the floor, obviously worked up, and she didn’t know what to do to appease him. They didn’t know each other well enough, and she didn’t want to make it worse, so she stayed silent. After a few more minutes, his movements slowed until he was sauntering over, sitting on the bed beside her. Jordan sighed and rested her forehead against his bicep, breathing slowly to keep her thoughts calm.

“Why’d you do that?” Jordan finally asked, the question plaguing her, and she didn’t know how to process this yet. Jordan lifted Harry’s hand, able to see where it was red, but didn’t see any real damage though it didn’t stop her from running a fingertip over the skin.

“He’s a prick,” Harry responded after some time, as though piecing himself together. She nodded her head in understanding and bit down on her lip, still touching his hand until he was turning it, taking hers into his. “Why’ve you been ignoring me?” he asked after another moment of silence.

“Why haven’t you spoken to me?” she asked softly, shifting to look at his face, taking in his much calmer features. A smile toyed at his lips, and she didn’t understand why.

“I thought you’d want some space,” he reasoned, and Jordan nodded in understanding because he wasn’t wrong. “I wanted to but wasn’t going to push.”

Jordan couldn’t think of anything to say to that and sighed softly, shifting to rest her head against his arm again. A smile formed when his fingertips tickled the skin of her palm, and she found that she didn’t hate the sensation. Jordan relaxed her hand, letting him touch how he wanted, pleased that he wasn’t trying to kiss her yet. But still, she tilted her head and brushed her lips against the bare skin beneath his t-shirt on his arm.

“I did want space,” she whispered against him, moving her hand so her fingertips could touch his, her hand feeling much smaller against his larger one. “But I thought I scared you off. The toilets aren’t the same when it’s so quiet.” Harry laughed at that and then reached with his free hand, tilting her chin, so she was forced to look up at him.

“What happened with Todd, Jordan?” he asked carefully, as though knowing it’d be too much. She sat up and tried to pull away, but he kept her hand in his, as though expecting the reaction. “I know it’s personal, and you don’t want to say, but I need to hear your side. If I’m going to punch him, I want to know why.”

“He--,” she trailed off, the wave of emotions overwhelming at that moment, and she stared at Harry with wide eyes. She struggled to come up with the words, and she closed her eyes, whispering, “He doesn’t know how to take no for an answer.”

“Jordan,” Harry said gently, “Open your eyes.” Jordan felt sick to her stomach but did what he asked, her eyes finding him immediately. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and she bobbed, understanding that he was. Harry leaned towards her, his movements tentative, eyes searching for her permission. She nodded her head, and he closed the space, brushing his lips against hers.

“Don’t stop,” she found herself saying, finding there was a distraction in Harry. He could make it hurt less, and she could disappear in that, find solace in a way that nothing else did.

Harry’s hand was firm as he slid it into her hair, and she sighed into the touch, leaning where he wanted. His free hand moved to her waist, and without thinking about it further, she was climbing into his lap. She slid a knee over him, straddling him as he continued to kiss her, good and comfortable. He wasn’t pushing, but just then, she wanted him to. She longed to forget what Todd had done to her, and Harry provided that

Jordan wasn’t sure how to do this. She didn’t know how to ask for something when she didn’t know what she needed from Harry. One of his hands moved to rest at her thigh. The other slid around her back, holding her close to his body as they continued to kiss. When he finally deepened his movements, taking more from her, it was an oddly welcome sensation. He continued to kiss her until they were gasping at each other’s lips, aching for air.

“Jordan,” Harry whispered against her lips, and she nodded her head, not ready for him to stop yet. She opened her eyes, staring at him intensely, able to feel him all over her skin. Jordan slid an arm around his back and then into his hair, guiding his lips back to hers. She still wasn’t sure how to kiss him wholly but was slowly was learning how to do it.

She didn’t want to talk anymore, didn’t want to divulge any intimate details of her past. Still, Harry seemed to understand that as her body pressed further into his. She could breathe him, feel him all over her skin as her body warmed, all because of him, and that felt okay. Her grip tightened in his hair, and she could feel the shift in the air, the way it encompassed all of him.

Harry pulled back, and she stared at him intensely, unsure of what he was thinking, but wanted to know that he wanted her. He was hesitating, eyes searching her own, and she knew she was revealing too much. She didn’t want to think, just wanted to feel him against her body, though she wasn’t sure where the yearning for it was coming from.

Jordan slowly pulled from his body and moved to the bed, laying back on it, her knees parted as she waited for him to follow. Yet, he didn’t. Harry watched her with fascination, as though she were the only thing he wanted, and she loved how he appeared just then. She lifted a hand, beckoning him towards her, and he finally complied, climbing over her body.

“We should talk about this,” she found herself saying. But once Harry was close enough, she slid her hand tentatively around his shoulders, and they were kissing once again. She groaned at the feel of his tongue brushing along her own. Jordan’s eyes closed tightly, focusing on how it felt to have his body pressed into hers like this.

“What do you want?” Harry asked, pulling back far enough to stare down at her. Jordan didn’t answer, staring at Harry with wide eyes. She didn’t know how to ask for any of this. She wished he could hear her thoughts, understand what her body was aching for.

“I don’t know,” she admitted cautiously, afraid it would be enough for him to pull away. Instead, Harry moved his lips to her ear, his teeth grazing her earlobe. Jordan gasped at the sensation, unwilling to admit that she’d never felt anything like this before. “What do you usually do?” she asked, breathless as his hand moved over her side, fingertips brushing where her shirt had lifted, the bare skin exposed for him.

“I usually do this,” he whispered hoarsely, his accent thick in that moment, and she wanted to hear his voice in this way. It was all a distraction, and he was playing into it as he dipped down, brushing his lips against the sensitive skin of her throat.

“Do it again?” Jordan asked softly. Her eyes remained closed, and fingertips dug into his shoulders as he complied. Harry gave in to her whims, not questioning her when he probably should. His body pressed down into hers, and she realized he hadn’t been pushing, had been hovering when she wanted to feel the weight of his body, wanted to know how it felt to be desired.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Harry asked, his hand sliding further beneath her shirt, and she gasped with how good the contact felt. Without meaning to, she was pushing into his tight grip, aching for things she didn’t understand.

“Yes,” she whispered, scared of admitting, scared of wanting this from anyone. Harry was the first person she’d felt close to in a long time, and she knew he was going to eventually grow tired of her antics. But for now, he was there, making her feel so good and cared for. She tugged at his shirt, gasping when his lips left her neck, and he was moving down her body, kissing her exposed stomach.

Jordan’s eyes opened to watch him, and she was surprised to see him already looking at her face as he explored her skin with his lips. His hands moved to her sides and were carefully moving her shirt higher, giving him the freedom to kiss and explore more. And she was letting him do it. With another tug at his shirt, he pulled away from her, and she watched, lips parted in fascination as he pulled it off and tossed it aside.

“Harry,” she whispered, and then he back to her, lips finding hers and kissing her thoroughly, such a profound, private moment to be shared between them. His hand now slid to her thigh, and she was surprised when he adjusted their bodies, bringing her thigh to slid around his hip. Jordan felt like she couldn’t breathe when his body suddenly rocked against her own.

“Do you want more?” he asked gruffly, tugging at her lip with his teeth. Jordan nodded, giving into the flying hormones, knowing she’d never felt anything like this before. The air was shifting, and she was so warm, the feeling overcoming each of her senses, and she didn’t want to stop. “Where do you want me to touch you?” Harry spoke, sliding his free hand around her back, and she could feel all of him, knew he was reacting to this as much as her.

“Fuck, everywhere,” she managed to hiss, gasping as he moved his body against her, rocking gently as though there were no clothes.

Jordan was timid but held onto him, trusting him at that moment. He slid his hand around her front, his hand sliding further beneath her shirt, and she could feel how he was lifting the fabric, exposing her to the warm air. He dropped his head down, kissing in the valley between her breasts, but didn’t go further than that.

“We have to stop soon,” Harry was whispering against her skin, his hand tightening around her thigh as he kissed, the feeling of his wet lips lingered over every inch of her.

Thoughts filled her with all the things they could do, but deep down, she knew she wasn’t ready for it. Slowly, Harry pulled back, but instead of moving wholly, he was reaching for her shirt. He lifted it until he was pulling it away and tossing it aside where his shirt had gone.

“Are you going to touch me?” she asked, feeling the sense of hope in her voice as she stared up at him. His hands were strong and confident as they slid over her bare stomach, and she bit her lips as they brushed over her bra and her instincts said yes while her mind was screaming to say no.

“If I touch you,” he whispered, tugging at her hips to pull her body towards his, “I don’t think I’ll stop until you feel as good as I want you to.”

“Do you want to make me feel good?” Jordan asked breathlessly, wondering his thoughts exactly, but was still frightened at the thought of asking for more.

“Yes,” Harry was whispering. Jordan breathed a sigh of relief as he came close again, but this time when he kissed her, it was different. His hips pushed against hers as their mouths met in a fiery kiss, more hurried, more eager than before, and she could barely keep up. His hips thrust again, and this time, she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped, the intensity of the moment more than she’d ever thought she’d experience.

“God, do that again,” she whispered pleadingly. She opened her eyes with the force of the repeated action, her nails digging into his shoulder, his lips brushing with hers. It was overwhelming and suddenly too much, the soft gasps seeming to cause her brain to focus on it.

“We have to stop,” Harry groaned, the tone as though he didn’t want to let go, but still she nodded in agreement, leaning back into the pillow with her eyes closed. Harry released another noise as though he was enjoying it. In that same instant, he was gone, away from her body and next to her on the bed. She was breathing quickly, trembling with the weight of what they’d just done, but Harry reached, holding her hand in his larger one.

“That was--,” she trailed off, not having a word for it. Harry began to laugh suddenly, and without reason, Jordan started to join in. She realized she was still without a shirt. Nevertheless, she slowly shifted her body, moving to rest over Harry’s bare chest, sighing contentedly at the feel of his bare skin against her own.

“I think I like this room,” Harry said suddenly, laughing even more, and she enjoyed the vibrations she could feel from how she was resting against his chest. Her fingertip traced along the contours as she released what could only be described as a giggle.

“I guess it’s better than yours,” Jordan mused but felt her smile fade with the knowledge of why and hated that she’d made herself sad again. Harry shifted, his hand lifting her chin to look up at him.

“He’s not going to hurt you anymore,” He said in a way that almost made her believe it. She nodded her head, eyes imploring to read his features, but he was speaking protectively. She could hardly believe what she was seeing. “I mean it, Jordan. I won’t allow it.”

“Why do you care so much?” she asked, stiffening with her sudden defenses, “What makes you so sure you can fix this?”

“I’m not fixing anything. That part’s up to you,” Harry said softly, “But I am going to ensure you’re safe here on out.”

“You can’t make a promise like that,” she whispered, barely speaking but felt overwhelmed with everything he was saying.

“I already did,” he murmured, shrugging his shoulders weakly. “I’m tougher than you think I am. Just like you’re tougher than you think you are.” Jordan didn’t have anything to say to that but sat up, pulling from Harry. She shifted to sit against her headboard, arms wrapping around her knees. He followed suit, staying close, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, forcing her to lean against him.

“I just think… people like Todd, they’ll get away with it,” Jordan said softly, tightening her hold around herself. Harry leaned in, kissing her temple, and she sighed. “He’s going to hurt someone else,” she whispered.

“But it won’t be you,” he said, speaking just as quietly, “And that’s what I’m worried about.” Jordan nodded her head, knowing she wanted to believe him, and sighed to herself.

Jordan closed her eyes, feeling him pull the bedspread over their bodies, and she hated how much she liked the feeling of this. There were so many things she had to face. There was the missed meal with her mother, but at that moment, he was making her forget it all. And she didn’t know what to do with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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